#just expressing my yearning
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Transition goals
#perosnal I guess?#lol idk#ftm trans#just expressing my yearning#my terrible doodles#(the first pic is what I look like now </3)#one day I will just a happy normal guy and everything will be beautiful <3#i don’t wanna be ripped or super lean I know that’s like the common beauty standard but nah#i wanna be big and solid looking that’s my gender envy#with a better hairline and normal leg shape lol
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thinking about wolfwood (ID in alt text)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#from awhile ago! i forgot to upload it here i think#i realized looking back at this. wolfwood has shrunk even more. DFGMKSGMS im sorry everyone has to bear with that. short woowoo#is engrained into my bones.... but anyway. im a big fan of vash yearning if that was not obvious from my previous comics.#not to say wolfwood doesnt do the same ofc... but im just thinking about vash's layers of repression in emotions and how he holds it#all together for the most part.... and when he yearns it's not like a dopey lovesick smile or anything. his cheeks are red but he's all “:(#bc he's Shy about it. and troubled by how much he's thinking about ww. but he can't help it and even less so when ww is right there#it's a very honest expression from someone like vash i think. and wolfwood can start to tell when he's faced with it and in turn#also gets embarrassed . silly the both of them#ruporas art
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Andrew Garfield for Audible UK
#I had to gif more of this just because#andrew garfield#my gifs#his hair looks so great here#and I love his pensive expressions#and his cute nose#ugh sir#someone send the love of my life already so I can stop yearning
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just shy
#library of runia#library of ruina spoilers#angela lor#ive always had a distaste when 'just'is used to describe a person or state. especially when its used in the context of shyness. 'just' ends#up implying that the word alone is the soul reason. just shy. as if all the other circumstances#didnt add onto the reasons why one would be withdrawn or not know what expression to make nor what to say#'just' shy. not scared. not stuck on trying to figure out what face to make. what expression to show. what should be shown. what should be#said. whats alright to be said. whats alright to be expressed. what would be okay to go ahead and potray. how to stand. how to stand away.#how to fade into the background yet not be so distant as to drae attention. 'just' shy. bitter taste in my mouth. perhaps its more of a#personal peeve. onto the design of it. from what i can recall one of the things that set angela off for the realization was the insinuation#that she yearned for a home or place of belonging. to return to. then shy look ended up having an outfit more akin to feathers than relatin#more towards skin though it still does have it. it felt similar to her attire she ended up wearing at the end of l corp and beginning of lo#when she was creating and adjusting the library/facility to her own space her own free space and getting to pick how to set it up with#control over it. nothing concrete but it did feel a bit striking on the train of thought. is that the reason Why? eh.. probably not
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"Staying loyal to your ME LI is so difficult! I can't not flirt in ME2!"
Me, who LOVES pining:
#Mass Effect#liara t'soni#Kaidan Alenko#Ashley Williams#Shiara#Shenko#Shepley#In my heart this post is about Ashley.... this is for you girl#But if I don't tag the others this won't get any notes lmao#But yeah not to say moving on in ME2 isn't valid#I just personally did not feel such an urge#The drama of it all#The YEARNING#I only wish there had been more opportunities to express missing them
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one day I will find sufficient words to describe how much I love Maximus. until then, screencaps and fanfics and incomprehensible long tags must be my heart’s balm
#the ideal method would be simply expressing my love for him in person#second would be finding some unexplainable way to actually articulate how deep my adoration for him is#next best is what happens on this blog every day#a girl must do what she can#i am so. overcome with longing for him sometimes#just a chance to wrap him up in a sweet hug and kiss him until my lips are numb#all i can do is watch gladiator and yearn!!!#it’s all i can do!!!#my heart yearns and breaks and weeps and mourns and longs and the movie just plays on#BUT I LOVE HIM#I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM#my heart is an ongoing love letter eternally dedicated to him#his kindness and sweetness and gentleness is so dear to me#his strength and power and grit is irresistible#and his face is just hypnotic#i will be swooning and yearning for him ALL MY DAYS#MAXIMUS RIDE UP ON YOUR WHITE HORSE AND MAKE ME YOUR WIFE#I AM BEGGING#all i want to do is be his wife! and share a little cottage with him!#and wake up beside him every morning and fall asleep in his arms every night!#i will NEVER be over him#i’ll be grieving him forever and loving him even longer#ignore my emotional rant everyone#i simply. cannot help myself#gladiator#text posts#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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thinking about pran having to deal with his "unrequited" crush on pat while pat remains an oblivious clingy puppy who continues to pull at his heartstrings who then ditches their bus stop project for the girl he thought he lost him to in school, who comes back and acts all concerned and calls his dimples cute and proceeds to confuse him more who then annoys him on the morning of the match and then annoys him even more by flirting and then actually caring in front of others and then if that wasnt enough he had to be all wounded sad puppy outside his room to end up getting invited in and then have the audacity to ask him if he were ink if he would have liked him and making him lie to his face and then sleeping right next to his bed peacefully like pran's heart wasnt unravelling blood vessel by blood vessel every minute and yet in the morning when he wakes up, he does it so quietly and softly that pat has no idea that he has to wake up until he smells the breakfast (that pran had made for him and its) scent wafting into the room and now im sad.
#pran is just a small bundle of yearning#but he makes himself look like a big wall of indifference in the morning#but we all see through him#even pat#especially pat (you just said it was cute) and none of that makes me feel okay#bad buddy#pran parakul#pran my baby boy#i love him so much#i couldnt possibly begin to even express it adequately in words
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As life's final pages turn, I will find comfort in knowing that even in the company of my most cherished souls, my heart will still echo her name with it's last beat, a melody that time cannot erase. - me ☆
#my quotes#my thoughts#this is a girlblog#writing#self expression#quotes#wlw yearning#wlw quotes#wlw love#girl blogger#poetry#just girly things#girlcore#sadgirl#ldr aesthetic#girlblog#hell is a teenage girl#love quotes
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I think there are too many lines to draw between Anastasia the musical and Dark Rise and Dark Heir.
#or maybe I’m just really good at making up lines#none of the characters are a one to one but still#I don’t know if I can properly express how deeply these things overlap in my mind#but I made a diagram to try#far away long ago glowing dim as an ember / things my heart used to know / things it yearns to remember#though the scars remain and tears will never dry / I’ll bless my homeland til I die#WE HAVE A PAST TO BURY ANYA#dark heir#dark rise#cs pacat#james st clair#will kempen#visander#sarcean#dark heir spoilers#dark rise spoilers#Anastasia??
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Bro. I Cannot Bear The Weight Of This Fucking Existence Bro. Will You Hold Me. Will You Hold Me And Make It All Okay Bro. I Know That I Will Survive This But I Need Someone To Hold Me Tenderly And Tell Me That It Will All Be Okay. And Touch My Hair And Kiss My Forehead. Bro I Don't Have Anyone Else. Will You Do This For Me. I Can't Carry This Burden That Is Life All On My Own Bro. Will You Carry It With Me Bro. please.
#this is about friendship btw#it's about loneliness and it's about isolating#it's about loving deeply and not expressing it#it's about needing help#and it's about being aromantic#it's about never having a partner or a soulmate to be with you always. to have and to hold#anyway.#this is either gonna get zero notes or blow up and have so many gay ships in the tags#to be clear btw. it is about my experience but it is also about yours#it can be your fictional character's experience too#for me it is not romantic. at least not in the common sense of the word. but for you it might be#you can tag your blorbos if you want to#just remember that it doesn't have to be romantic. it can be yearning for platonic intimacy as well#dragonn talks#dragonn writes#poetry#poems#writing
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I am on some bullshit right now, bruh
#just re-watched pocahontas for the first time in many many years and dawg#the character animation in that film is so gorgeous#like they went so hard on ACTING through the animation#im getting obsessed again like i was when i was little#like u gotta understand: the disney pocahontas character (a truly fictional character inspired by real events let's get that straight)#i was like in love with her. i wanted to be her like oh my god#and the way they animated john smith was such a departure from their other disney LI's up til then (as *i* recall)#so detailed!! the expressions!!! the fucking YEARNING!!!!!!#best love story out of all the disney flicks imho. as a Story it's so powerful#I'm gonna think about the symbolism of them having to part#after grandmother willow had told them 'only when the fighting stops can you be together'#implying that the fighting isn't over and probably never will be#fuxking painfuslfjk#i know i know: c'est ~~problématique~~#but look. I'm from a racially diverse family okay?#my dad's side especially. nobody over there stuck to their own race/ethnic group#my parents are a mixed couple. i know how hard it is to make that work.#most interracial couples I'd seen on tv until that point were very...chaste?#mostly played for laughs (oh haha the cultural dissonance is so cute and funny!) or worse: to play up racial sterotypes#but to see one depicted as a straight-forward romance- as two people deeply in love and not played for a gag? AND as the core of the story?#mannnn that means a lot to me even all these years later#so yeah im deep in the 'hunting down feel-good fix-it fics' phase wish me luck
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Baby 1031
This is one thing I did not get closure on.
I'm not really sure I categorise this as them talking about the baby in episode 16. For me it was more of them talking about the divorce and the reason their marriage fell apart. Yes baby 1031 and their subsequent actions were the cause of it but I think this was just part of what I needed addressed. They talked about the consequences of the miscarriage they still haven't addressed the why. Something like we were both hurting, we coped differently, we should've been by each other's side. An understanding of the hurt is something I was looking for.. something like we could've gotten over it and come out stronger. I also have an issue calling it a 'trivial matter'. In the grand scheme of things sure I get why it was used (they were referring to the consequences that were all trivial) but I'm still a little hurt calling it that considering they both don't have closure. The pain was real and it should've been addressed way earlier. This was too little too late.
Also Hain's words mean nothing to me at this point because even if she remembers that one memory and the pain of that moment in their life. She can only guess what happened. So Hyunwoo's words/resolve meant more to me. What I'm trying to say is this should've been addressed earlier. God could they have please kept Haein's character development rather than offering it up to Amnesia? Because god knows she needed it as bad as Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo's development was supposed to be him remembering to love Haein again. Hae-in's was supposed to be to learn to be more expressive. And collectively they were supposed to learn to be more communicative. Writing this out makes me realize I spent 16 episodes and did not gain much.
Hyunwoo's evolved. Haeina's changed. And who/what they are collectively is happy. I don't know how but that's all I know. That potential growth got thrown out the window real bad.
#I'm sad again typing this out#so much potential#so much I yearned for and wanted to see#please understand I'm upset because I love this show so much#its okay to be hurt hy things you love#just healthy expressions as I learned but my MLs probably did not 🥹#Truly one of the weakest last epsiodes I've seen#queen of tears#baek hyun woo#hong hae in#kdrama#kim ji won#kim soo hyun#baby1031
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im exploding into a million pieces i found a reddit thread about butches in video games (specifically looking for them) in hopes that there was some kind of lesser known dream daddy-esque butch dating sim or SOMETHING cute like that and guys the fucking crumbs we have to live on you're actually killing me. im withering away why are there no kissable butches in video games im going to throw up and kill everyone. nobody wants a butch dating sim apparently. im gonna go weep in the fetal position
#everybody ignore this it's so stupid but#it's like heres a stard.ew valley mod where you can make leah butch and um idk starf.ield bg characters#and a baldgate3 character. IM CRYING WHERE ARE THE BUTCHES#'why is this making me emotional' (<- very understandable why it would make me emotional)#howling into the night sky ripping ny shirt in twain transforming into a big hairy beast bc i love butches sm#GUHHHHHHHHHH CMONNNNN#i just wanna see people's cute drawings of dykes ok. where is our version of bara#where is it please#im begginbg the universe generally#i need a hero (the song) is emanating from my pores rn. where are they we deserve so much better than this#gahhhh it's all overly palatable softgirl yuri fuckk. where are my big sweaty hairy braless deep voiced dykes im going to kill someone#when is it my turn to be happy wuagghhh#not to say i dislike softgirl yuri but i do not want to kiss them!! sorry but that is a big motivator for this#is wanting a 2d boyfriend (/dyke) because everyone else gets to have one :((#and also like. wanting to see dykes reflective of irl dykes rather than yuri for representation purposes that matter to me personally#and the gender euphoria that can often come from that but also FUCKK#nguhhhhhh oughhhhhh ahhhhhhhhgh. im such a fucking faggot im sick of this#a large chunk of the sapphic population is just completely not represented it's like they only exist in my mind#i never seen them around me either this shit sucks fuck my stupid baka life. wehehhh#exploding into a million pieces#im never expressing any kind of gay yearning again after this im done#is it too much to ask that i see people like me out there?? in many ways but tonight specifically in a butch way#ppl when they even think for a moment of making lesbian media where the dykes aren't sifted through straight attractiveness filters: 😱#again a lesbian dating dim w femmes would rule as well but it's all high schoolers and vaguely anime-hot women#and thats not good enough. it's like if they give a girl a big nose they'll fucking die immediately#maybe the real reason i consume so much homoerotic buff guy media is because SOMETIMES ppl draw them as butches#(<- not the reason but maybe loosely vaguely part of the reason)#anyway this was inspired by me watching ppl react to like. a popular pretty boy dating sim#and trying to figure out some equivalent experience for me but i can't bc none of it is made for me#killing everyone and then killing them again. hatred
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#I made this edit purposefully to yearn over the corners of his mouth#And to try to express how much I long to kiss them softly and to show how beautiful and endearing they are#so in case it's not clear yet. I need to kiss the corners of his mouth immediately#and caress them and draw them and devote to them all of my prayers and wishes#I've so much to say about them and someday I will 🤎#The corners of his mouth are one of the places I want to kiss the most#*sighs deeply*#My edit#This is a Mr. Corner Of His Mouth ™ scene to me 🥹 well one of the many 💓#I love the way his lips gets thinner and thinner as they progress at the point that the corners of his mouth look like black lines#And it's my favorite thing I swear. Not sure if that's the right way to describe this peculiar thing about them#I just know that I love them and cherish them. a lot#Arthur Fleck#I'm also head over heels for how big the size of his hoodie#I'm once again stating that this hood is big enough to tuck & hide your face in it while he's wearing it#to kiss him on the lips in the middle of the street to hide the both of you from the rest of the world 🥹#I'll draw this someday#Or write. Idk#I'm full of yearn that's the only thing I know
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man
#i do wonder if my parents actually love me or if they love the idea of what i could have been#i want to hug child me and tell them it'll be okay that we're still alive#you went through so much you were so hurt and so misunderstood#nobody knew what to do with you#and now we have to pick up the pieces of you and hope for the best that we can keep the grown up version of us alive#you didn't deserve any of this little one#how could you tell a small child they were an attention-seeking manipulator for being in pain#how could you blame hallucinations on being *gifted*#and how could you ruin our two tries at therapy with saying we appeared perfectly normal to them#weve had extreme documented mood swings since we could walk how could you think we were just gifted don't you know this ignorance is a curs#i don't know what you did wrong but all three of your kids expressed suicidal ideation by age 8 despite doing your best#how could you try your best and still *fail*#why do i have to pick up the pieces of a child forcibly infantilised yet forced to grow up so fast#why isn't our suffering acknowledged#how did you make us so scared to inconvenience anyone how did you convince us we don't deserve medical care because were not ill#how did you convince us we don't need stuff yet make us yearn for physical objects#how did you make us feel so irredeemably evil for simply existing
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hello lovely man 💕
#yearning for him right now#just longing and aching and burning and melting#swooning and dying also#his range of expressions as maximus is so impressive to me#especially because he’s such a stoic character and comes across that way#yet he has absolutely mastered the microexpressions#there’s so much humanity in him#that’s what makes him so compelling and therefore makes his story so compelling#forever heartsore for this perfect man#his joys are my joys and his sorrows are my sorrows#i’m very tender over him rn#i say rn as if i am not always#this blog is a scrap pile of all my emotions for him#my beloved so dear to my heart so precious and cherished#gladiator#russell crowe#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000
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